


Happiness starts a bit earlier

by dreamerinheaven



Category: A Little Life - Hanya Yanagihara
Genre: Ableism, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Jude Actually Talks About His Feelings, Jude gets all the cuddles he deserves, M/M, Pre Relationship, Willem Is In Love And It Shows, Willem Is Judes Knight In Shining Armour, angst ridden fluff fest, i don't know how to tag, mention of domestic abuse, mostly Willem's POV, probably a bit OOC, protective!willem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-26 22:36:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18186548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamerinheaven/pseuds/dreamerinheaven
Summary: "‚He shouldn’t be back yet‘That had been his very first thought when Jude had opened the door and saw himself eye to eye with Willem.Willem, who was supposed to be far away, shooting a movie.Willem, who’s gaze immediately found his black eye and it took everything in Jude to not follow his first, irrational instinct to throw himself into his best friends’ arms and beg him to never leave his side ever again."What if Willem had followed his gut and had come home early? More precisely, the day after Caleb hit Jude for the first time? And what if, just for once, Jude had enough self preservation to actually tell him the truth?





	Happiness starts a bit earlier

_‚He shouldn’t be back yet‘_

That had been his very first thought when Jude had opened the door and saw himself eye to eye with Willem.

Willem, who was supposed to be far away, shooting a movie.

Willem, who’s gaze immediately found his black eye and it took everything in Jude to not follow his first, irrational instinct to throw himself into his best friends’ arms and beg him to never leave his side ever again.

“What the fuck happened?”, Willem asked and took a step closer, hand already halfway in the air to touch Judes face, just to stop when he saw him instinctively flinch away.

“Judy.”, he said, obviously trying to remain calm, “Judy, what happened? Did someone…?”

Jude opened his mouth, the same lie already on his tongue that he had fed Andy when he had last seen him. But for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not now, not when Willem was standing right there in front of him. Kind, warm, loyal Willem.

So he just closed his mouth again and shrugged.

 _Helpless, pathetic, weak_ , a voice in his head whispered, that sounded suspiciously like Caleb.

He barely noticed Willem stepping inside and closing the door nor him gently leading him towards the couch.

“Judy.” It was his voice and the nickname that finally managed to get through to him.  He looked up to see Willem kneeling in front of him (when had he sat down?) and oh so gently taking one of his hands between his own.

“Judy, please tell me who did this to you.”, Willem said, his voice heavy from both pain and anger.

“I’m sorry.”, Jude finally whispered, “I’m sorry, Willem I should’ve been stronger, I should’ve been smarter, I…” He closed his eyes for a moment. _This is Willem_ , he forced himself to remember, _your best friend. He would never hurt you, you can trust him_.

Painfully slow he started to tell him about Caleb, about everything that had happened in their relationship so far that had lead up to him hitting Jude.

“Maybe it was me.”, he finally whispered, “It was probably my fault, I mean… I should have listened to him, I should have been better, I should have…”

“No.”

Jude looked up and met Willems eyes. His friend was pale, his eyes full of fury and tears. “Judy, no. He hurt you, and I’m not just talking about him hitting you. He’s an abusive asshole, nothing else. And you? God Judy, you are brilliant and compassionate and the most wonderful person I ever met and when he can’t appreciate that, to hell with him. Then he didn’t deserve you in the first place.”

Jude didn’t even realize that he was crying until Willem, once again, carefully raised a hand and, after making sure he wouldn’t flinch away, gently wiped them away. Jude looked down onto their hands, unable to meet Willems gaze.

“Please leave him, Judy.”, he whispered, “I know you probably don’t believe this, but you deserve better. You deserve someone who loves you with everything he has, who would treat you with nothing but kindness and who would never, ever even dream about hurting you in anyway way.”

A hollow laugh escaped Jude. “I know you mean well.”, he said, his voice shaking “But Willem, look at me. This kind of love you’re talking about, it’s for people like you and Malcolm and Richard and Andy. Not for me. I have to take what I can get and learn to live with it.”

Jude didn't neet to look at Willem to know, that he was shaking his head.

“Jude, _no_. You don’t have to live with this or anything like it. Please, just…let’s pack you a bag and come to my place. You’ll be much safer there. Judy, please. If not for yourself, then please do it for Harold and Julia. For Andy, Richard. For _me_.” The last part he said so softly that Jude almost missed it. And it was that part that finally, made him look up again.

“For you?”, he repeated.

Willem nodded, seemingly without even noticing that his hand was still resting on Judes’ cheek.

“Yes, Judy. Please, just come with me.”

Willem sounded so sad, so utterly _broken_ and Jude hated it.

So he finally nodded and allowed Willem to help him up, where Willem pulled him into his arms. “Thank you, Judy.”, he whispered. “Thank you.”

That simple gesture and those few words were the final straw.

Jude let himself fall completely into Willems strong, warm arms, the first sob jolted his entire body and with an instinct he didn’t even know he possessed Jude finally returned the embrace and, maybe for the first time, allowed himself to sink into the warmth of another person completely, without holding anything back, sobbing and clinging to Willem like he was his life boat in the middle of the ocean.

 

 

Willem didn’t know how long he had held Jude in his arms, sobbing and shaking like he had never seen him before and a small, dark part inside of him wanted to hunt this Caleb guy down and punch him until he would get the message to never, ever go near Jude again.

And if he was just a little bit braver, he would even admit that, had he learned about Jude having a boyfriend another way, he would be seething with poorly hidden jealousy over the image of Jude being with someone who wasn’t him. He knew how much of a hypocrite that made him and especially now that Jude had gotten hurt he barely acknowledged these thoughts, but still…

He pulled Jude a little bit closer.

“Does he have a key?”, he finally asked when Jude had calmed down enough that he could answer him. When he shook his head, Willem felt himself relax.

“Good. If you want, we can stay here then?”

Because there was no way in hell he would leave Jude alone. Not after what he had just told him.

He felt Jude nod against his chest and pulled him just a little bit closer, as if he could magically shield him from the world and people like Caleb, if only he held him close enough.

But for once Jude didn’t seem to mind at all. In fact, he actually seemed to all but melt into his chest, clinging to him as if, for once, he actually believed that he was save with him.

That thought alone was enough to almost make him cry again.

“I’m not letting him hurt you again.”, he finally whispered, once he trusted his voice not to break, “I’m not letting _anyone_ hurt you ever again.”

Holding Jude like this was not something he had allowed himself to think about too closely until now and even in this moment he didn’t let his mind really go there – this wasn’t about him or his misplaced feelings, this was about Jude.

 

 

After what felt like hours Jude had finally managed to stop crying. Yet a part of him wasn’t ready to let go of Willem, to leave the warmth and the comfort behind that his arms provided.

Normally Jude would’ve started questioning himself now. Maybe Willem didn’t want him there, maybe he was getting annoyed about him being clingy? But the way Willem just kept pulling him in as close as possible and the fact that it was _Willem_ , the one person he knew he could always trust, held those thoughts at bay.

"Thank you.", he whispered, even if that didn't even begin to cover what he was feeling right now. 

Before Willem or Jude could say anything else the doorbell rang and everything in Jude froze.

Willem let go of him just enough so he could look him in the eye. "Is that him?", he asked, his voice calmer than he felt. "Do you think that's him?"

Jude only managed to nod, his fingers buried in Willems shirt. 

"Do you think you can go to your bedroom?", Willem asked, "And lock the door? I can get rid of him for you, you don't have to see him."

Jude felt such a deep, profound gratetude towards Willem in that moment that he could only nod, untangle himself from him and go into the bedroom.

 

 

After he had heard the bedroom door lock, Willem took a deep breath, walked towards the door and opened it.

The man on the other side would've probably been handsome, if Willem didn't already know what kind of monster was hiding under the surface.

The apologetic look on his face disappeared the second Caleb realized that he wasn't looking at Jude.

"Who the fuck are you and why are you in _my boyfriends_ apartment?"

Willem gave him a long, hard look.

"I'm Judes best friend. And I'm the guy who tells you that he doesn't want to see you. Not now, not ever. Not after what you did to him."

Caleb looked so genunly offended and surprised that it took everything in Willem not to break his nose right where he stood.

"What I...? I didn't do _anything_!", he spluttered, ""It's not my fault when he provokes me into hitting him!"

Willem took a deep breath, forcing himself to stay calm, for Judes' sake.

"He didn't deserve it and I think you know that.", he said, his voice shaking from holding back his anger.

Caleb laughed. He laughed right into Willems' face. 

"Oh please. You've seen him. He should be grateful that I'm dating him. You know as well as I do that no other guy with any self respect would date something like that. Unless..." An ugly smile appeared on his face. "Ohh, is that it? You're into that little freak and annoyed that I got there first? Don't worry, you're not missing out on much he's a terrible lay anyw-"

Willem punched him so hard that Caleb went down like a bag of flour. He didn't try to get up again - the tiny part of Willem that wasn't consumed by rage suggested, that he had probably knocked him out cold. That was already the second time that he had punched someone on Judes behalf and he would do it again in a heartbeat.

_'God, please let Jude not have heard him, let him not have heard what that piece of shit said about him, please...'_

He looked down to Caleb. What should he do with him now? Call the police? Would they do something about him when they saw the bruise he had given Jude? Would Jude tell them?

"You should call the police."

Willem closed his eyes.

Oh god. Jude was standing right behind him. He probably had heard what Caleb had said about him.

"Judy..."

"Don't, Willem.", Jude interrupted him, strangely calm, "Please just...call the police. Tell them my ...my Ex came back here after hitting me and you had to stop him from getting in."

Willem stared at him for a moment before nodding and doing as he was told.

 

 

An hour later Caleb was gone, with a restraining order in his pocket and a broken nose.

Willem thanked the police officers and closed the door behind them before slowly turning around to face Jude, who was sitting on the couch, staring at his own hands.

"Judy...", Willem started, carefully stepping closer, "Judy, you _have_ to know that the things he said about you....they weren't true. You're not...you're none of these things he said about you. You're wonderful and kind and so strong." He sunk down onto his knees, in front of Jude to look him in the eye. 

Jude finally looked up and the raw pain in his eyes felt like a punch right into Willems heart.

"I can't, I... Willem... can you...?"

"Anything.", Willem whispered, when it was clear that Jude was too overwhelmed to even finish the sentence, "Judy, anything. Whatever you need, you can have it. It's yours."

Judes shoulders were shaking and before he knew it, he had wrapped his arms around Willem and buried his face in the crook of his neck.

Willem couldn't remember a single instance where Jude had innitiated a hug like this so he carefully returned it and pulled him closer.

"I got you, Judy.", he whispered, "You're safe now. You're safe, I promise."

At some point the would have to tell at least Harold and Julia about what had happened.

And maybe they would also talk about what Caleb had said. About Jude, about Willem's feelings, about everything.

But for now it was just them, just Jude and Willem against the world.

And holding his best friend in his arms, a man he had adored almost as long as he knew him, was certainly something Willem could get used to.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a sort-of Fix It and I'm not sure if I'll post a follow up but after finishing the book I just had to write something and take at least a bit of Judes' pain away, because god knows the poor guy has been through more than enough.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this :)


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